Como quien viaja a lomos, de un camión grúa que chirría, por Barna va conduciendo Lázaro; no preguntéis adónde. Busca acaso un criajo, que le alegre el día, y no halla más que un puto, que cobra lo que vende.
Sus ardientes almorranas, están echando humo, sobre un asiento, cada vez más caliente y más alto. Por las paredes del bar, desparrama el zumo, del vaso de su hermana, que grita con voz de contralto: ¡Ya, en el Corte Inglés..., debe ser Primavera!
Cruza por delante de su jeta, un autobús interminable, el piso donde habita, es una sucia gorrinera, desolado paisaje, de basura, andamio y cable. Vive en el número siete, calle Mandanguería, quiere mudarse, hace años, al barrio de la Boquería, pero siempre que lo intenta, aparece su madre, y la lía.
En la escalera se sienta, y escucha como un pájaro le pía: "E-Moal, tienes más de cuarenta años, eres una porquería absurda, un parásito, un loco, un pisamierdas de aceras; tienen mucha razón, los que te llaman Lázaro Porqueras. ¡Por malo y estúpido, has perdido, hasta el último tranvía!"
Dicen los sabios del chat, esos que no se equivocan, que existe un loco gruero, monflorito y cerdopolla, que compuso con su cholla, y su zumbar de abejorro un blogpocilga más gorrino que la mula de Colodro.
Que su madre mondonguera tuvo que ver con el moro, y preñada, a los seis meses, vino a parirle de monstruo. Y que por no ser de tiempo, y tener ciertos antojos, Tilacino nos ha dicho que no fue parto, sino aborto, y que su blog, libelo ha sido por envidia y venganza emailera, y aunque Lopuy animaba al cretino, de E-Mail se burla hasta el Gato.
Para componerlo ha echado mil calumnias en remojo; pero le salió el blogpocilga, como el diablo hizo un engendro. Nació sin pies, ni cabeza; medio cerdo y medio polla; inculto, porque es idiota; y malo, por traicionero.
Ahora E-Mail para engañarnos, por verle payaso y pajero, con cerebro de almorrana, se hace pasar por beato. Y para que nadie sospeche de su maldad ponzoñosa, está haciendo que cuele como la Biblia cristiana. Lázaro, si quieres remediarlo, deja en paz a la buena gente, pues se cagará en tu madre, hasta el chatero más soso.
Valije, si eres tan gran pelele, hijo de Dominga Valija, y si quieres seguir siendo alcahuete y asqueroso: Salga tu vida en la sala, para que tus líneas digan si te pareces a tu padre en lo tonto y en la pija.
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